Funny Status Messages

   Just got some Tiger's Blood. Thanks Charlie!

   I am wondering if Snoop Dog ever watched Charlie Brown.

   Outraged that Charlie Sheen turned down my offer to do a spin off show called 2 ½ grams…

   Note to self...apparently management doesn't find the game of hide-and-go-seek as amusing as I do....which sucks 'cus I had an awesome hiding spot.

   If something is important enough in my life, it will be denoted by the fact I created an itunes playlist to represent it.

   Justin Bieber takes his relationship with Selena Gomez public. I think that it is so sweet that he's pretending to like girls....

   I am not nearly as funny or entertaining in person, but I sure think I am when I have a few drinks.

   I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire....

   1300...yeah, that's a lot of pages. You have no idea how long it took me to go through all of them..

   1300 should actually be like 1250 since about 50 of these pages are nothing but reposts.

   women are attracted to danger... and there's nothing more dagerous than running with scissors.

   not a stalker... but your couch does look good from the bushes

   Busted, Disgusted, and most of all, I can't be trusted.

   If I die young like in the next few days I blame it on the Girl Scouts and their evil cookies.

   has come to the conclusion the more women have seen naked by accident than on purpose.

   Confucious say man who not married not quite ready , when he get married he finished

   With the day I just had looking to go out tonight for a bender. The type of bender even Charlie Sheen would say "DAMN DUDE YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   If before every major life decision, people would just say "What would Charlie Sheen do?"...The world would be so much more interesting....

   Wish we could be like bears, get all fat eating good food in the fall, hibernate all winter, and be all skinny for summer... Then do it all over again

   FACEBOOK asks me what I'm thinking, TWITTER asks me what I'm doing, FOURSQUARE asks me where I am. Conclusion: Internet is my girlfriend!