Funny Status Messages

   I should have invested money in companies that manufacture Locking Gas Caps

   I'm searching Facebook for people named Hontas, just because I think it would be cool… to poke a Hontas.

   If you are ever wondering who is rapping in a song, just wait 4 more seconds and he'll say his name.

   I wish Doc would hurry up with that Flux Capacitor so we don't have to pay these ridiculous f&^kin' gas prices!!

   Dear Oil Companies…at least have the common courtesy to offer a reach around when I pump…Fu@k You Very Much…

   I hired a brass band to celebrate the birth of my child. I enjoyed it, but I think my wife was a little p1ssed off with the 15 hour drum roll.

   going to go out on a limb here...I think there is a very good possibility Gaddafi just might be the one on hallucinogenic drugs...just sayin!

   I just awesomed all over the place.

   You don't want to look back on your life and say, "I just made it through."

   wondering why buy grapes with seeds when the convenience of a seedless grape is right there

   ;( Yep, winking AND frowning. Your mind = blown.

   Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't use "eenie-meenie-miney-moe to help make important life decisions

   You know what's amazing? "how I met your mother"

   Does this Senate Bill 5 have anything to do with a foot long sub?

   If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he'd stop saying I'm unproductive.

   I know you think you're interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.

   Have you seen the remix video of "Black and Yellow" featuring R. Kelly?

   I purposely mess up there, their, and they're just to piss people off.

   I saw my ex the other day and I'll be straight up honest with ya, YEAH I'd still hit it... with my car.. with my baseball bat.. with my fore arm repeatedly...

   WARNING!! As of today - Facebook will automatically start dragging Earth into the Sun. To change this option, go to Settings > Planetary Settings > Trajectory then UNCLICK the box that says ' Apocalypse.' Facebook kept this one quite.