father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Dear God, I could have wished a happy Father's day but decided against it considering how an absent, unaring and neglecting dead-beat dad you have been. I bet Kanye West would make a better father than you.

   If on Father's day you don't post a picture of your dad carrying you as a baby, I'm not sure you really "love" him.

   I'm white, but not "know where my father is" white.

   Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."

   hoping no kids wish me a happy father's day today.

   A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mommy! What's a lesbian?" She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"

   Thank God Zimmerman's wife and father-in-law weren't wearing a Hoodie and didn't have any Skittles on them!

   Did you guys hear about the Italian atheist? He doesn't believe in the God-father....

   My father of the year hopes and dreams were crushed the moment I joined Facebook.

   So I Went to pick up my date for homecoming, Her father said make sure she is home and in bed before 11PM, I Said " Don't worry Sir, I'll have her in bed by 830" :D

   Out of the 20 richest women in the world, only one did not inherit their money from their husband or father!

   My father is at that age where he will have a full on conversation with a telemarketer.

   It's like my father used to say "Go get that rock over there... I promise I won't drive away this time."

   "The Empire Strikes Back" is SO unrealistic... No WAY the black guy would ever admit to being the father.

   "Luke, I am your father." - Darth Vader, after he found out Luke has money.

   Manager claims OJ Simpson could be Khloe Kardashian's father. And I thought this family couldn't get any more dysfunctional.

   Forgive me father, for I like sin.

   Yesterday I met my ex-girlfriend’s son and told him about how I once auditioned to be his father.

   Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It's been two weeks since my last confession. Smell my finger.

   —Mom, what's for dinner? —Nothing, son. Your father studied Graphic Design.