Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The one good redeeming value of pedophiles is that they do drive slow through school zones.

   Homonyms: a reel waist of thyme.

   A Super-size Extra Value Meal!!!

   Justin Bieber the only daughter that Mr. & Mrs. Bieber have?

   I was a mess when she left again...tears flowing, snot running, skin burning...I have GOT to stop buying her pepper spray....

   It's 11/1/11 11:11:11 P.M.

   really thinks there should be an option on Facebook to 'like' someone's status but not be reminded every single time someone replies on it!

   I get this funny feeling that people are reading the things I type here but maybe I'm just being paranoid.

   I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up

   you know you are having a bad day, when the bird singing outside your window is a vulture

   I just don't see how a two peckered billy goat can be that productive...jus' sayin'

   You know your'e getting old when you think an XBOX is where you keep your divorce papers.

   “I knew you'd be back.” -The Drawing Board

   Dear Zuckerberg: Please create a "Drama Queen" button = Like = Unlike = Drama Queen = Comment

   If all this Global Warming keeps up, I think Atlanta may have to add to it's fleet of 8 snow-plows......

   I just had to ask myself, "What would a competent person do in this situation?"

   just changed my boss's password on his computer to --> C : [Enter] # # #....yeah, I'm a smidge disgruntled...

   What makes me so funny? My strict diet of sunshine and unicorn meat!

   keep symbols for the symbol-minded

   Just had the misfortune of watching some of MTV's "reality" shows...I'll take "Why the Mayan's decided to end it in 2012" for $1000.00 Alex....