Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It kind of sucks living in Detroit this Christmas. The economy has hit us so hard, I heard Haiti was organizing a fund raiser for us

   A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to catch up

   I don't jog for the same reason you don't see dump trucks running in the Indy 500...I know my limits.

   They're making everything bigger these days. This bus is at least twice as big as the one I rode as a kid.

   Oh, I'm gettin' nuttin' for Christmas, Mommy and Daddy are mad. I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad

   starting to think that Santa's just not that into me...

   gives her friends permission to change her status to "is chilling with Jesus" after she dies

   because I have a life. because its been proven that facebook is time consuming and useless. I have to log off............. I'll be back in 30 min.

   The night before my friend's wedding he asked me how "IT" was done. I told him to take the thing he plays with and put it where she pees. On his wedding night he took his guitar and tossed it in the sink.

   Save as: "fjhdsk" ... The file "fjhdsk" already exists ... "fjhdsk 2".

   just got my Xmas wishlist back from Santa with a little note attached... It said "LMAO! HELL NO!!!!

   You know ur up too early when someone tells you "Good morning" and all you can do is think "if this mo fo says one more thing to me I'm gonna stab them in the neck with a pencil".....

   Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.

   The Lunesta commercials amuse me. It seems that enough people have taken a sleeping pill and then said "Well, I better go jump on that bulldozer and get some work done." That they feel it's necessary to tell people NOT to do it...

   gonna have to go fight the holiday crowds at Wal-Mart. hmm.. Long Bow or Broad Sword?

   looking forward to the Lunar Eclipse tonight. I considered having a viewing party and inviting all the witches I know. But then I realized having all my ex's in the same location is probably not a good idea.

   Dear Santa, Don't listen to any of my Facebook friends. I have been a perfect angel, I swear.

   i'm not a back buner meal for no one,, i'm the main course or you don't eat...

   Got caught with a beer while driving... Who would have thought they would pull over a schoolbus.

   "When they're not fighting or racing light cycles, I'll bet the citizens of TRON spend a lot of time on the phone with tech support" -Conan OBrien