father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann

   I love being a father. Children start off as little bundles of joy and eventually grown up to be great at getting you a beer.

   When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."

   Dear Tylenol, as a Father, I can respect the fact that you make your products child-proof. However, as a consumer with a splitting headache, I hate your fricken guts 'cause I can't open the damn packet with my fingers...

   The reason it's called Mother Nature is because if it were Father Nature the weather would be a lot more predictable

   Women like to hear things like, I love you and you're so pretty, while men like to hear things like, you're not the father or I swallow.

   I won't believe Obama is black until he shows me his irresponsible father certificate.

   Well then you'll never be the girl your father is.

   My father is always advising me to find a girl who has the same belief of me as the family does, and then marry her. Why would I want to marry a girl who thinks I'm an idiot?

   This hood rat on Maury found out dude wasnt the Father, she ran so far backstage when I turned the Channel she was on 106 & Park!

   When this Ho on Maury found out that the 36th dude tested wasn't the Father, she ran so far backstage, I flipped the Channel and she was running across the set of ESPN!

   Dear son, Another hard year on the farm. Father had a stroke, bills are piling up. Are you famous on facebook yet? We are proud of you! -mom

   My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."

   LADIES: If your father is a poor man, it is your fate... But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity!

   I have a question. How is it that the man who wasn't good enough to wed your daughter, can somehow be the father of the smartest grandchildren in the world?

   You fell sad because you didn't have a Valentine on Valentine's Day? Some people don't have a mom on Mother's Day or a dad on Father's Day so shut up.

   On this Presidents day we celebrate our great leaders; Washington, the father of our country, Lincoln, who freed the slaves, Reagan, who tore down that wall and Kennedy, who banged Marilyn Monroe.

   Danica Patrick's dad is probably the first father in history that's happy to see his daughter on the pole.

   I'm going to have three children.. One girl, named Stacey, so my wife can be Stacey's mom.. And she will have it going on.. One boy named Luke, so I can say "Luke, I am your father." and one more boy named Sparta.. So I can introduce him 'THIS IS SPARTAA'

   I wonder during the election for Pope, did the other cardinals point to the losers and say excitedly "you are NOT the father"