Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Reading an article that said, "spice up your love life”. One of the suggestions was to make love in a car wash. It's also the perfect way to ruin a church fund raiser.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 11:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon people with narrow minds , are normaly the ones with the biggest mouths.
←Rate | 09-19-2011 10:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone's status.
←Rate | 10-05-2011 21:23 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon After suffering my 5000th stubbed toe, I believe now is the time to invent "Nerf" end tables!
←Rate | 07-25-2011 12:59 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon " I think Randy Moss will stay retired" -Brett Favre
←Rate | 08-01-2011 14:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate gently tossing my phone on the bed and it ricocheting off three walls, hitting a lamp, and a cat.
←Rate | 08-03-2011 13:27 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
←Rate | 08-04-2011 17:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever have one of those days at work no matter who talks to you they sound the teacher from The Peanuts cartoons?
←Rate | 01-27-2011 20:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
←Rate | 02-02-2011 08:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't use "eenie-meenie-miney-moe to help make important life decisions
←Rate | 02-24-2011 15:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Put on your Sunday's best kids. We're going to Sears....
←Rate | 02-27-2011 18:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon TV's highest paid actor was a crackhead... why the fu*#k am I in school?
←Rate | 03-01-2011 00:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life has been so good to me that I just thought I would celebrate within myself and get ridiculously drunk tonight...
←Rate | 03-01-2011 19:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be great if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked on stupid people?
←Rate | 03-04-2011 08:57 by Grifter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm designing a solar-powered automatic flushing toilet for people like my ex who think the sun shines out of their ass.
←Rate | 04-12-2011 12:32 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been retracing my steps and now I have all these outlines of feet on my floor and still no keys.
←Rate | 04-15-2011 22:02 by Gman Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I do something stupid, my first thought is whether it would make a funny story or I should take it to my grave.
←Rate | 04-20-2011 17:10 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear DroidX, I am not trying to spell "Duck"...thank you!
←Rate | 04-27-2011 00:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Osama bin Laden... WINNING! .. Yours truly, Charlie Sheen..
←Rate | 05-02-2011 09:02 by timboss Comments (0)  


   messageicon some call it Self-medicating....we call it Happy Hour..
←Rate | 05-04-2011 08:55 Comments (0)  




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