Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 669 of 6446

Reading an article that said, "spice up your love life”. One of the suggestions was to make love in a car wash. It's also the perfect way to ruin a church fund raiser.
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04-02-2011 11:43
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people with narrow minds , are normaly the ones with the biggest mouths.
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09-19-2011 10:20
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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone's status.
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10-05-2011 21:23 by BEGO
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After suffering my 5000th stubbed toe, I believe now is the time to invent "Nerf" end tables!

" I think Randy Moss will stay retired" -Brett Favre
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08-01-2011 14:26
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I hate gently tossing my phone on the bed and it ricocheting off three walls, hitting a lamp, and a cat.

Two of the most honest people in the world; drunk people and little kids
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08-04-2011 17:35
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Ever have one of those days at work no matter who talks to you they sound the teacher from The Peanuts cartoons?
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01-27-2011 20:15
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There are two types of people in this world, those with common sense and those who have to pee on the electric fence for themselves
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02-02-2011 08:55
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Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't use "eenie-meenie-miney-moe to help make important life decisions
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02-24-2011 15:22
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Put on your Sunday's best kids. We're going to Sears....
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02-27-2011 18:42
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TV's highest paid actor was a crackhead... why the fu*#k am I in school?
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03-01-2011 00:16
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Life has been so good to me that I just thought I would celebrate within myself and get ridiculously drunk tonight...
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03-01-2011 19:46
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Wouldn't it be great if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked on stupid people?
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03-04-2011 08:57 by Grifter
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I'm designing a solar-powered automatic flushing toilet for people like my ex who think the sun shines out of their ass.
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04-12-2011 12:32 by Gman
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I've been retracing my steps and now I have all these outlines of feet on my floor and still no keys.
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04-15-2011 22:02 by Gman
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When I do something stupid, my first thought is whether it would make a funny story or I should take it to my grave.

Dear DroidX, I am not trying to spell "Duck"...thank you!
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04-27-2011 00:46
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Dear Osama bin Laden... WINNING! .. Yours truly, Charlie Sheen..
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05-02-2011 09:02 by timboss
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some call it Self-medicating....we call it Happy Hour..
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05-04-2011 08:55
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