Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 587 of 6385
I wonder if Miley Cyrus's foam finger will be sold on Ebay? Pretty sure there will have to be a disclosure stating "Warning: Smells Like Shame"
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08-29-2013 09:26 by Jeffafa
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If Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black were drowning and you could only save one, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
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09-14-2012 21:15 by BEGO
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I like kids, only because they remind me to buy more condoms.
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10-08-2012 13:42 by Jackoo
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So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?
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08-02-2012 10:48 by Baddie
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SCORE! Some girl on my friends list asked me to meet her for drinks tonight! All I need to do is hit the ATM and lose 70 lbs by 8 O'Clock.
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08-07-2012 10:56 by Mickey
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f I show you a picture on my phone, don’t swipe left, don’t swipe right. Just look.
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04-19-2013 21:29 by BEGO
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Dear Stomach: You're bored, not hungry. Shut up.
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05-08-2013 11:56
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There are no stupid questions, But I have met a ton of inquisitive idiots.
Facebook's adding hashtags and Instagram's adding videos. Go home you two, you're drunk.
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06-21-2013 13:37
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You know when doctors leave the room they are just checking Web MD right?
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12-20-2011 12:36 by Aaron
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You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need.
Usually, the person who tries to make everyone happy is the loneliest and saddest person.
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07-16-2011 10:31
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going to go a few pages back, copy a status, then re-word it so I appear creative.
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05-30-2011 10:51
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If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you're going to jail.
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08-29-2013 20:05 by snotty
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ACME Rockets has filed for bankruptcy after losing both N. Korea and Wile E. Coyote's accounts.
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04-14-2012 17:51 by snotty
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Showed the kids here how to eat corn-on-the-cob typewriter style........ Now explaining typewriter.
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04-07-2012 14:12 by snotty
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I changed my alarm tone to a Justin Bieber song and it works great... Now I wake up early just so I don't have to hear that $hit.
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04-13-2012 07:14 by Downey
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The amount of time my phone spends plugged in you may as well call it a landline
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06-07-2012 13:52
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Instagram is down! I'm freaking out! What are you people eating? How are your pets? What the hell is happening???
Her cup size will determine how long the hug will last!
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07-09-2012 13:39
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