Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   With his short term memory he may not remember colluding with putin

   says "If Heat Rises, Surely Heaven is Hotter Than Hell"

   Dear god, please can we swap Justin Beiber for someone with some actual talent?.. say Michael Jackson would be good...

   Canada is the gay brother of English-speaking countries.

   So let me get this straight -- they left the porridge on the table and went for a walk, and the 3 bowls cooled down at different rates?

   * He claims he went to an ivy league college, and has an incredible vocabulary. To bad his incredible vocabulary isn't part of the english language.

   Me and BIG BIRD, going down to Sesame Street to see if we can buy the moderate a lie detector.

   Today's International Brotherhood of Manhood Tip: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you’d better be talking about his choice of beer.

   If all other countries are fighting the Coronavirus, while Trump is fighting the China Virus. Is he really lying when he says he doing the best?

   200 degrees (that's why they call him Mr. Fahrenheit [he's traveling at the speed of light]).

   Why is Martha’s Vineyard so upset about becoming enriched by diversity?

   Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho! It's off to sleep I go. I'll crawl in bed and rest my head. Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho! Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho!

   some babies are born premature but I was born very mature I just came out and I was like so what

   I lost my virginity when I was 15. It was smokin' hot until I bit her thigh and all the air leaked out.

   If your afraid to leave your teenage daughter home with your boyfriend then you may want to rethink ur relationship..

   The percent of pre-marital sex within the animal world is rampant.

   I'm so old I forgot it was my birthday until I got the facebook reminder.

   yeah, a dab will do. or what ever fred flinstone said

   they say you swallow 7 spiders a year in your sleep but have you considered not sleeping under a pile of leaves in your back yard

   Don't Yuck someone else's Yum !