Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What is this "growing up" thing and how do I avoid it?

   Dear Bad Luck ….. Let's break up.

   Women: the only problem I don't mind "wrestling" with.

   Never under estimate the predictability of stupidity.

   Today's challenge! Walk with the parade and wave, and make people wonder who you are.

   when did the world give up on Common Courtesy

   you can tell more about a person's true character after they gain some random wealth

   I don't hate people, I just feel better when they're not around.

   I wrote you a song, man was it tough finding something to rhyme with "Bar Skank"

   Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

   This gallon of ice cream is a new flavor called, "Get Your Own."

   According to every arcade in the world, 'AAA' and 'ASS' are the most common initials

   My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.

   : Say this fast-  { I, 1, 2, 1/2, 6} *Like* if you get it

   A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.

   Long busy day, I need one of those hugs that turns into sex.

   The way I just scratched my back on the corner of this wall, leads me to believe I would have been an above average stripper.

   Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong."

   My wife was so sick this morning that I had to carry her to the kitchen to make my breakfast.

   Time for my weekly game of let's-see-how-long-I-can-drive-with-my-gas-light-on.