Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey! It's called facebook, a social networking site, NOT faithbook, a cram your religious beliefs down my throat site. Hiding!

   Religion is a crutch for weak-minded people who can't accept reality

   Am I being picky when I say "Please leave 'Christ' in Christmas"? I know it's a little thing, but, by writing 'X-mas' it seems to me that we are taking out the whole reason we even celebrate this holiday just to save a few key strokes . Just my opinion of

   The bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range

   gunna dress up as kanye west for halloween and go around telling people " ima letchu get back to trick or treatin in a minute but, barrack obamas daughters have the best halloween costumes of all time, of all time!!!"

   n't making any New Year's resolutions. I'm still working on the ones from 2003.

   I wish I was made up of 5 midgets, like a human Voltron.

   YAY! I just won Australia's Next Top Model.... no wait, they was a mistake? How could this happen?

   I befriended Tom from Myspace on Facebook lol

   Going to go back in time and have sex with all the Golden Girls, and Angela Lansbery.

   just got a painting of David Carradine and I hung it in my closet.

   I saw a girl with a belly ring. She must've weighed 400 lbs. That belly ring turned out to be a hitch.

   Please tell your breast to quit staring at me!

   I truly believe that the key difference between men and women, is that a man can break a woman's heart, but a woman will sh!t IN a man's heart...

   hand over the casey anthony case to law and order svu...they have it solve in a hour

   Only Fat people follow KFC on twitter.

   If you think my wife is hot you should see my girlfriend.

   don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines!!

   I wish I was in a gang, I never know what to do with my hands when taking pictures.

   LADIES: If your father is a poor man, it is your fate... But if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity!