Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Write all complaints legibly in this space -> []

   Some people get so upset when you delete them from your fb friends list. What is the big deal it's not like we're real friends and hang out everyday.

   NOTE TO SELF: Remember not to discuss my personal life on FaceBook. And don't forget to pick up rash cream..........

   AOL has announced that they're going to lay off one-third of their employees. On the bright side, it's AOL, so they're going to do it slowly and with frequent interruptions.

   Would delete you, if I didnt have to keep the numbers up on my friends list, to impress my other friends.

   Be normal, and the crowd will accept you. Be deranged, and they will make you their leader

   I have decided that I am not overwieght, instead I am a nutritional overachiever.

   Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.

   Something went wrong. We're working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again. <--- Facebook's new slogan

   The more you watch Maury the less your kids look like you.

   I'm making a list of regrets. Just to be sure I'm accurate, how do you spell your name again?

   Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2!

   love the scoring system on storage wars..lets see...a broken tricycle, thats $200, used tupperware...$600......

   One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.

   I don't know why beer companies bother with an expiration date... it's never going to make it anywhere near that.

   During the stone age, long before Facebook, man was already experiencing the desire to express on a wall what he had eaten.

   How the heck does one cup of coffee equal one gallon of pee!?!?

   I wonder if the person who invented trail mix actually discovered it when they were cleaning out their car and moved their kids' car seats.

   When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it.

   Quick, how do you wrap a broom?