Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon surrounded by askholes today... yes, "askholes" as in people who constantly ask you stupid questions.
←Rate | 03-28-2011 15:07 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place. ;)
←Rate | 02-03-2011 23:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 02:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we're not looking?
←Rate | 02-28-2011 20:47 by Seddy90 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you begin a sentence with “Don't tell anybody, but...”, the person you're talking to has already thought about who to tell.
←Rate | 06-03-2011 11:50 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Repeat after me: It doesn't matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won't solve it.
←Rate | 09-24-2013 02:09 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deleting my Facebook soon" = "Please give me attention and ask me why I'm deleting my Facebook account and beg for me to stay so I can feel important"
←Rate | 01-11-2015 18:34 by @1_Jack_Jacko Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read a report that said the typical symptoms of stress were eating too much, drinking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Who are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day.
←Rate | 10-13-2009 03:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The wizard of oz is the ultimate chick flick, two women trying to kill each other over shoes
←Rate | 10-23-2010 13:41 by A is for ME Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have discovered that there are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is my side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possibly hold.
←Rate | 11-06-2010 09:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My bank is the worst. They're charging me money for not having enough money in my account. Apparently, I can't even afford to be broke.
←Rate | 05-24-2010 11:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oh Mickey, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn't read that, you sang it.
←Rate | 06-08-2012 21:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're a true 90's kid if you've ever heard someone say "Get off the phone, I have to use the Internet."
←Rate | 02-17-2012 03:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi, that way people visit more often
←Rate | 10-19-2011 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't know where you got your opinion, but I hope you kept the receipt.
←Rate | 11-21-2011 18:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon New favorite term: Multislacking. It's nice to find a name for something you're good at.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 18:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke...
←Rate | 01-23-2013 20:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon All you single ladies, please stop saying you should just give up and get a cat. If no man wants you, don't subject an innocent cat to a life with you.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 08:15 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that's good.
←Rate | 03-13-2013 16:09 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I bang my toe against something it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know
←Rate | 09-28-2012 19:43 Comments (0)  




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