Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
"Now, how's he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?"... thought the spider. 
Life is 10% of what happens to me, and 90% how I react to it!
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
....hello, fun? It's me... yea...I was wondering if you could stop by for a while. Yea, my friends and I really miss you. See you soon?
Whats the purpose of a camouflage Snuggie? Do you plan on eating popcorn while watching TV in the deep woods anytime soon?
You give new meaning to the saying "Beaten with an Ugly Stick," it looks more like you were smashed by the whole damn forest.
You hold a door open for an old lady and you're a hero. You smell her hair as she walks past and suddenly you're a pervert.
Sometimes I have these moments in life when I want to press pause, look into the sky, and scream "REALLY DUDE, REALLY!?"!!!!!
Dear Lord please grant me one day of freedom from the law so I can set a few people straight :)
I'm better than most people. Even in the small things. Like when I use a Public Toilet I can easily ascertain that I'm better than 95% of the people who've been there because I know how to flush properlly.
I am a member of NSS( National Sarcastic Society).Our motto:"Like we Need your approval"
Internet connection failed!: □ Wait patiently. ✔ Rape the refresh button.
It's Friday!!!!!! I just thought i'd tell ya'll that just incase you haven't seen all the other 1000 post about it.
Believing Harold Camp is kinda like believing O.J. Simpson as a character witness at a murder trial
....where are all the cabbage patch parents?
Well, the NFL players have officially decided that I will not be spending Sundays with my family this Fall...
Sometimes you have to tell yourself "This the worst idea ever!" and then do it anyways.
Do you really have "haters" or are people just telling the truth and you're actually just an a$$hole? Check into that for us. .
Trust Is Like An Eraser It Gets Smaller&&Smaller After Every Mistake!!!
Yahoo News - "World's oldest man dies". Why does this keep happening?! 