Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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I used to wonder what it was like to read people's minds But now that I have a Facebook account I'm over it 
Guys that say "bros before hoes' don't take gardening as seriously as I do.
They say: "keep your friends close and your enemies closer". The problem is, nowadays you can't tell them apart.
Just saw a guy in a Dominos uniform driving a UPS truck. This is either grand theft auto or the most epic pizza trade ever.
Worst Passwords of 2011 : "kimswedding" ... Too short & not strong enough.
You Know They Cheating on you when the expiration date on the condoms you left magically changes from 7/2012 to 9/2013
It'd be interesting to see statistics of your life after you die. Like, what joke you found the funniest, how many times you smiled, how many times you laughed, how many times you lied, or how many people you loved.
Santa is an unfair a$shole, He gives the more expensive gifts to the wealthier kids!
So, This 83 year old drives into a bar...
Throwing away a good relationship because of problems that can be worked out, is like throwing away a new car because of a flat tire.
It is time Taylor Swift Exes formed a band & sang replies to her songs.
it considered child labor if they think they are playing a game?
Due to the Economy, All dollar stores are now accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
Why is YOLO popular all of a sudden? Was there seriously a problem of people thinking we lived twice?
Biggest disappointment ever: Seeing on the cable guide that The Karate Kid is on, only to scroll over it and find out it's the 2010 version.
In 1969, nearly 600 million people tuned in to watch Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. Now we have 'The Bachelorette'.
MTV has announced the cancellation of the show "Jersey Shore." Please join me in a moment of silence. OK, that was too long.
We will probably never understand why girls fall madly in love with douchebags.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I found a penny today and it reminded me of my ex...worthless and in everybody's pants. 