Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?

   I'd take your message of social upheaval much more seriously if your "Anarchy" patch hadn't been purchased at Hot Topic.

   Eyjafjallajokull is more like a baby typing on a computer than a volcano!

   It is a sad day, "Hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants that now live in Arizona, may no longer feel welcome." --CBS anchor Katie Couric

   To save time, lets just assume I'm NEVER wrong!

   written what you are reading

   wondering how women on tv desert islands always have perfectly shaved legs & armpits? I mean, there's no chicks in 'Lost' kicking around in mohair stockings...

   Ah...the old "saran wrap over the groundhog hole" trick. Gets'em every time!

   Facebook Commandment IV: Thou shalt not post music videos more than a quantity of 5 within a half-hour period lest you drive thou neighbors to drink.

   Super Bowl Weekend!! Should I wear my shot glasses or beer goggles??

   I feel like a million bucks today! Just wish I had luck finding a bank that will accept self esteem as a form of payment

   "No, ladies, you can't play with us, but you can dress like sleazy and encourage us." The guy who invented cheerleading.

   Man with one foot on 'yesterday' and one foot on 'tomorrow' will end up pissing on 'today'.

   Some open minds should be closed for repairs.

   I have decided that I am going to win the Nobel Peace Prize, and I don't care who I have to kill to do it.

   Everyone has that one special person in their life who keeps them looking forward to another day. If you don't then maybe that special person is yourself.

   If somebody does a backflip, they automatically become a bada$$.

   Don't you wish common sense would make a big comeback.

   that akward moment,when you go to a public restroom and the seat is warm!!

   Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.