Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 591 of 6385
There are two rules to success in life - 1. Don't tell people everything you know
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03-17-2011 03:59
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I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food's food!
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04-04-2011 13:28 by Aaron
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I found out today that Snooki hates the nickname "Snooki" and is planning to go back to using her real name, "Danny DeVito"
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12-18-2011 23:26
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A good date ends with dinner. An excellent date ends with breakfast.
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04-11-2012 15:02
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When comforting someone who is illiterate, I always say softly, "There, their, they're."
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04-18-2012 16:05 by Aaron
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The Seven Dwarfs of Facebook: Drunky, Stoney, Skanky, B!tchy, Lonely, Creepy, Stalky
Why are doctors so afraid of apples anyway?
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04-21-2012 05:41 by flinnie
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For every idiot proof system devised, a new and improved idiot will arise to overcome it.
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05-07-2012 14:13 by Czovczov
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I had an active life, until some idiot came along and introduced me to Facebook.
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05-09-2012 13:18
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Keep it down kids,,,, Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
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06-01-2012 08:25 by snotty
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I'm sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist..
it's a crazy day when guys wanna see a movie about a teddy bear and girls wanna see a movie about strippers
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07-06-2012 01:41
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While laying in bed with my Husband last night, he asked me what I'd most like to do to his body. Apparently, "Identify it" was the wrong answer
She stole my heart so I told her to keep it. Thats not the part I'm going to be needng to bang all her friends with anyway.
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02-19-2012 18:33
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My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!
If Target sends you coupons for rope, garbage bags, and bleach, abort the mission. They know too much.
The fact that Mitt Romney has a son named Matt Romney kinda makes you hope for 3 more sons named Mett Mott & Mutt.
My head says, "go to the gym." But my heart says, "stay on the internet forever and eat!"
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01-06-2012 13:09 by fadolo
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Can you imagine the panic that ensuses when the actor who plays the Mayhem character in the Allstate commercials boards a commercial flight?
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01-17-2012 11:21 by Chuck
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If Facebook gets any slower, I'm just going to jog to each of your houses and shout out stuff.
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01-25-2012 09:50 by Griff
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