Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 530 of 6385
Just watched a girl choke on her food and this can only mean one thing, she forgot to take a picture of it first and post it on her FB wall.
If getting into heaven is based on how many times you have tried to close the elevator door before someone else gets on, I am screwed.
I just invented a cell phone that looks like a beer can. Now all you idiots can look cool when you take your picture in a mirror
I can’t be what you want. I’m too busy being what I want.
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02-06-2013 06:51
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Do our elected officials even know what their Job Description is? I'm pretty sure it doesn't include ignoring and trashing the Constitution!
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07-01-2016 22:19
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According to WebMD, MedicineNet, Healthline, Mayo Clinic, Symptom Checker, NetDoctor, MedlinePlus, Johns Hopkins and InfoMedNet, I'm OCD.
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08-05-2016 15:36
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Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
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09-29-2016 22:34 by Aaron
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Today is our 9 years anniversary here. Keep em coming folks
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10-11-2016 19:32
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After this we should all invade Mexico and vote for Justin Bieber. See how they like that.
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10-13-2016 01:15
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Only a few years ago, the average parents had four children. Nowadays, the average child has four parents.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
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10-25-2016 01:52
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And in other news, Joe Biden claims that 150 million people have died from gun violence in the U.S. since 2007. I suppose that might explain the low unemployment numbers right now.
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02-27-2020 07:51
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I've decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term 'Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf... but he didn't listen.
Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around calked Unused Sick Days. Apparently it's very contagious.
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12-19-2016 06:06
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I think the guy who invented the word kumquats should have gotten to name more stuff!
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04-06-2017 10:45
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Breaking News: U.S. Terror Alert Level is now raised to “Confetti”
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05-02-2011 12:18 by Mark
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Dear Mr. Chip bag thank you for telling me that 23 peices equal one serving. However, I need clarification on the exact size of your standard chip. Perhaps a life size picture on the bag would help.
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05-04-2011 15:52 by BEGO
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You remind me of those kids in elementary school who would put their mouth against the faucet when drinking out of the water fountain.
After the Rapture, can I have your car?
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05-17-2011 17:24 by K-Mac
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