Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 249 of 6384
Don't be stupid, if their ex is still calling its because they're still getting an answer.
Like if you remember only having 3 TV channels to choose from and YOU were the remote!
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04-17-2012 07:23 by Gary
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Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" is a clever little b@stard.
I suggest we Drink!..... Before we go out Drinking!!
TEIAM - problem solved
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11-06-2009 17:38 by Jenna
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Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
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04-23-2010 13:30 by Joser
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Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
There's nothing worse than loving someone who's never going to stop disappointing you.
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01-20-2011 17:15
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You can do a thousand GOOD things and a a hundred GREAT things. But if you do just one BAD thing, people will remember you for that.
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03-23-2010 15:26 by Danmanz
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Tip: if you're going to call out sick, make sure your co-workers aren't your FB friends and can see the pics you posted drunk last night
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06-28-2010 21:16 by Joser
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We have 50 friends in common and I still have no idea who the hell you are
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07-13-2010 18:08 by Joser
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Whatever doesn't kill me makes me all like, "Whoa! That was close!"
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08-09-2010 17:20
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when I smash a bug on the wall or ceiling I like to keep it there as a warning to the others..
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08-23-2010 07:30 by Yaj
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The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
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08-09-2012 09:59 by flinnie
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Somewhere, someone is thinking about you and the impact you made in their life.... It's not me, I think you're a prick.
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08-22-2012 07:28
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My boss hates it when I shorten his name to D!ck, Especially since his name is Steve.
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08-25-2012 11:16 by Czovczov
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Facebook needs a button that's the equivalent of kicking someone under the table to stop them from making a fool of themselves.
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10-24-2012 13:26
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If I ask my mom to take a picture for me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling “IT'S THE BUTTON ON FRONT!
I watched the deleted scenes from a p0rno last night. Turns out he did fix the washing machine after all.
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09-29-2012 07:44
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I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced a year ago, but she said I was only after my money.
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07-10-2013 13:47 by Aaron
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