Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm so confused, I thought the Crip Walk was a marathon for gang members

   Not a gal that finds it attractive or even complimenting when a married man hits on her. Keep it at home base, dude.

   I am a part of Peta people enjoying Tasty animals

   Ad on the internet : The Braile superstore - Thousands of Braile products, many of which you've never seen before.

   not drunk... just deliciously enlightened.

   If PETA really cared about animals then why is it that PETA never protested about rat killers?

   The guy who named the Iceland volcano "Eyjafjallajokull" must have fallen asleep on his keyboard

   not GAY!!!! But his boyfriend is....

   why does ben rothlisberger cry after sex? ... because the pepper spray hurts so much.

   took some time off from Facebook and got a LOT of work done. Won't make that mistake again..

   Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can't spell.

   sometimes I think something and I'm like, "that would be a good Facebook Status update." This is not one of those.

   likes to think that when I squish an ant, its final thought is, "Good. Being an ant blows."

   is wondering what childless IDIOT invented glitter glue?

   thinks that Operation "Gain As Much Weight As Humanly Possible While On Vacation" is right on schedule so far.

   just wants someone to tell me how Facebook ends so I don't have finish all this reading.

   thinks the bad thing about having kids is that they are ALL morning people.

   doesn't allow men to smoke in his room, but women can. Hell, they can barbecue a goat if they want.

   There will be no tomorrow. When it gets here, it will be today. I've played this waiting game before.

   Do you ever wish you can transport people that annoy you on an island where they are forced to fight to the end & it's all filmed live for your enjoyment? New reality show pitch...what do you think?