Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hopeful that science will soon bring us the miracle of birth control infused vodka. Hope springs eternal.

   thinks it's time for us to let the Statue of Liberty hold up that torch with her other arm for awhile.

   if your not living life on the edge....... your taking up too much space!

   i just joined the dark side, turns out they lied about the cookies.

   Sarcasm is an art.. and some people just don't have an appreciation for art.

   We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

   I don't need no love all I need is the DJ

   today is an EPIC DAY: At the end of "Back to the Future", Doc sets the Delorian to go 25 years into the future. That date is today... July 5th, 2010.

   They call me Dr. Love, I got the cure you're thinkin' of.

   how ironic would it be to choke on a lifesaver?

   And on the 8th day, God made Cheez Its

   a bad relationship is like a broken mirror betta 2 throw it away instead of hurtin urself tryin 2 fix da pieces.

   if at first you don't succeed.... don't be surprised.

   setting up a mike's hard lemonade stand at the street corner. I dont ID! hurry and get 'em while they're cold!

   I still think soccer sucks as bad as ballet.

   just saw a sign on a church that read, "Don't give up. Moses was a basket case too." LOL!

   The reason you can't fool all of the people all of the time is because half of them are women.

   When your favorite song comes on and you excitedly say "Yo this is my jam!" You should know, I die a little bit inside for knowing you.

   My front door mat actually says "Come back with a warrant."

   "Grandpa's ghost hovers all around the house. It's scary!" "He's not dead! And that's his Hoveround power chair!" "Well, he smells dead."