Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you guys don't start telling me when my status updates don't make sense... I'm gonna start matriculating bananas to the chimney of the coral reef.

   Ate some bad Indian food... and now I know how to pronounce that symbol that Prince changed his name to.

   I'm not playboy, I'm stick to one... its just happen that many girls outside are playgirls and I'm one of their victims...

   The media loves controlling this country. They promote NOT to drink & drive/text & drive but yet every third commercial its either about a car, a phone, or a alcoholic drink...and a little bit of insurance ads down your throat.

   I'm tall dark annd handsome...when its dark, I'm handsome...btw...I'm really not tall either

   That awkward moment when you give a mint to a person with a horrible bad breath....they take it, then put it in their pocket!

   No one ever seems to realize that when your EX says after you brake up, "The last thing I want to do is hurt you again," basically implies that there is a list and hurting you is on it.

   If a genie ever gives me three wishes, goodbye Kardashians.

   WARNING: Asking people about their weekend may result in them telling you about it.

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives.

   Deleting your Facebook is the new regaining your dignity.

   There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.

   I'm red all over. From my head tomatoes.

   POLLEN: Mother Natures hangover.

   a 1984 Buick Skylark with a 2.5 liter 4 cylinder that can go zero to sixty in 37.2 seconds. Top that.

   BBC News- "Mobiles 'may cause brain cancer'" download our iphone app for more on this story

   Did you hear about the new Emo/Action film? They just cut to the chase scene.

   pleasure and frustration, right as you're about to cum, they do a 10 second shot of the dude's face!

   BBQ rule: no drama goes on at my BBQ, if your'e in a fight with your mate don't come, if you just broke up and want to talk about it call a family member, BBQs are for FUN only

   It takes a big man to cry, it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man