Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Good luck to all the Hunters this weekend! I've had no luck hunting White Tale all year!

   Every day that I don't die is the best day of my life.

   Everything happens for a reason. For instance: You're on fire because I don't like you.

   What do you mean you misunderstood the tone of my text? I put a sad smiley face at the end of it, didn't I?

   I went outside to smoke some weed 2 days ago and haven't been to work since.

   "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."-----JFK he was not Just kidding.

   "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."~JFK "How's it going, Sunshine?" ~ Barack Obama campaigning in Sunrise, Florida

   The # of selfies someone takes at the gym is indirectly proportionate to the # of times they go...

   Oral sex.... a taste of things to come

   There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom..

   If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

   I almost bet the people on the outside of the ark were talking crap as well...

   Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.

   If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

   anyone going to tell America's funniest videos about YouTube?

   "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."-----JFK

   Sick and tired of the Dr. Phil test!!! BTW, I scored a 47.

   It's Friday night. I'm writing this and you're reading it. We're both sad.

   George Zimmerman is getting dangerously close to the 8 strike law.

   Never cut off the minivans, they have nothing to live for.