Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
There are some souls you meet and you know right away you'll love them forever and laugh together in heaven or fry together in hell. 
If the cigarette tax is meant to discourage smoking, is the income tax meant to discourage working?
Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
wonders why we can't just all get a Long....Island Iced Tea?!?
Music is no longer an art. It has become a commodity. As far as entertainment goes these days, there's very little difference between listening to music and buying wheat.
Just Heard Donald Sterling is planning on buying the Boston Bruins once he sells the Clippers!
-= REDs got to host an Olympic game, then all of a sudden they're the USSR again.... Let's pray Germany doesn't host the next one. =-
Are the hookers giving you the policeman's discount?
I am way to old for this "being sober" sh*t...
Why does the Avon lady walk funny. Her lipstick.
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford announced today that he is checking into rehab. He said he entered rehab this week to deal with the problem swiftly — and also because Monday is Cinco de Mayo, and he ain’t missing that.
Donald Sterling's girlfriend said she's “going to be president of the United States” one day. Yeah, like we’re going to elect someone who secretly records people’s private phone calls and conversations.
The rat race is over. The rats won.
How could it be called a "botched execution" if the scumbag is dead.
Today in 1992, Rodney King said, "Can we all get along?" SPOILER ALERT: We can't.
Ever have one of those days when you don't give a rats ass only to find that you pleased a rat ?
I always carry a flute with me in case I see a couple of rabbits frolicking in a summer meadow.
I put some red in with the whites and now my wife will not allow me near the laundry anymore...had to wear pink shirts for awhile but it was well worth it.
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby 