Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   hasn't slept for ten days.........................................because that would be too long.

   thinks I just stepped in a bouquet of oopsei dasies.

   way to "own the podium" Canada. At last count you have what, only 1/2 the medals as the USA!

   Party tonight, bring booze or chicks. Seperate, or one already in the other. Your call...

   I hear there is a new facebook game coming out soon...it's called Getalifeville!!!

   loves Canada! They are like the upstairs neighbors that never get invited to the party DOWNSTAIRS!

   Thinks my OCD is getting worse. Did I hit post? Wait a minute , did I even type it yet? I'm pretty sure I hit post but am not sure. Yeah, I did. Well, maybe I didn't. I better double-check. Yeah, I did. No, I didn't. Dang!!! What was I going to post again

   i renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'

   You can cross my mind, run through it, play in it, bounce across it, dance in it. There is alot of room in there...

   realized that beating the drums is the only thing you get applauded for, if you beat anything else your either weird... or abusive.

   such an unthoughtful farmer that he wants to smash his neighbor's White Mystery Eggs and slaughter their Baby Calf if he can't get them off his News Feed.

   I just balanced my checking account, and discovered that I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something or pay a bill.

   Cocaine is never a solution. Unless of course, you dissolve it in water.

   I Did not I Repeat I Did not sleep with that young intern I Was up all night

   Oh! So you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY and they meet at the bar!

   A celebratory beer after winning the gold - $1. While you're at it, might as well have a cigar - $5. a few Canadian women proving that this world truly is becoming too P.C. PRICELESS !!!!

   Tonight I'm leaving my sobriety at home, along with my indoor voice and any behavior that can be mistaken as 'ladylike'.

   Can clearly see a few people who ate a bowl of stupid for breakfast.

   Gentleman is a man who can play accordeon but doesnt.

   Did everybody see the trailer for the new Free Willy movie? They kept on showing it on the news.