Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Kids today will never know the pain of the Dewey Decimal system and how to catalog library books on index cards.

   I hear birds chirping. Either I'm up way too late or I've banged my head cartoon style.

   All we need to keep us happy - is less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done!!!

   I'm HAVING A DINNER party tomorrow,how many boxes of cheerios do I need to feed 8 people ..

   Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.

   Watching wealthy politicians who live lavish lifestyles talk about "the plight of the poor" leaves one cold.... and angry

   I don't swim because it's never 30 minutes after the last time I ate.

   Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That's like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."

   "We used all our brainwashing techniques and we still lost" - US Media

   It's usually the ones with the dirtiest hands pointing the fingers.

   I'm so old that I remember when people cared for their country and defended the constitution instead of trashing it and burning it to the ground.

   There's a fine line between crazy & free spiirited and it's usually a prescription.

   Some days, I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots. Other days, I realize it's not just some days.

   Daylight Savings Time: I say start it on a Monday at 5 pm. You wouldn't lose the hour on Sunday, and it would shorten Monday.

   Kids maybe a gift..... But I like playing with the box it came in.

   Grab one midget and demand their pot of gold and you get labeled a "public nusance". Anyone could make the same mistake.

   There will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with under-wires that lift and separate.

   Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

   thinks it's quite possible that I will be as unproductive today as I was yesterday.

   nodding off at the computer. I think I've been here too long. Just one more website and then I'll check my facebook page again. Oh yeah, I gotta make sure I got that email. After that, I'll go to bed.