Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can't help but notice that fettucini alfredo is just fancy adult speak for macaroni and cheese.

   wants you to read this status. Keep reading it... There, now I have full control over your mind. Now give me a hot dog!

   asks, "What do you get when you cross ketchup with wasabi? WASSUP!"

   not on speaking terms with his liver

   Gone on a vacation with Satan

   available in HD.....highly demented!!!!!

   Never Ever Ever Play leap Frog with A Unicorn

   ( . )Y( . )

   not actually a Jedi and apoligies for scarying the children.

   will be giving a live performance today...shower curtain goes up at 5 exactly so be there.

   in another castle:(sorry mario.)

   trying to convince the parents she is a responsible adult. So far it isn't an easy ride.

   on the limits of not going so well

   was denied adoption of a baby boy from Malawi =(

   picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!

   just plain lucky *

   says, "If you want something in life, you have to work hard for it... Now shut up! They're about to announce the winning lottery numbers!"

   has learned a lot from dogs: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down (I've really only applied the last to my life, however)

   taking the "What color are you?" quiz and the result is: Who gives a Toss!!!!

   going around the house and renaming things so they all start with an "i" before Apple does it... such as his iToaster, his iToilet, and his iKids and iWife