Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   never steal... the goverment hates competition!

   puts the fun in funeral

   the oldest he has ever been.

   JUICE BOX TIME!

   thinks it's obvious that a guy created google...i'm feeling lucky?

   brakes for unicorns.

   do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner.

   At the end of the day Tiger Woods is the guy we all want to be: $600 million, 75 Cars, Cute dogs, Hot Wife, 3 hotter girlfriends....Enough Said!

   if you know Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, then isn't it a really dumb question to ask if you know the MOST famous reindeer of them all

   Tiger Woods: never satisfied with a hole in one.

   thinks Santa is a judgemental twat who bears a grudge. I've explained the Elves incident a hundred times now. So what if I was caught naked with one of his helpers in a cupboard, it was all an innocent mistake!

   too large for worry, too noble for anger, and too strong for fear

   Wants to have unprotected text

   why do all the other reindeer have brown noses??? Because they aren't as quick to stop as Rudolph

   hmmm..wonder if Tom from Myspace has a Facebook page

   Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!

   says a clean house is the sign of a broken computer

   konws taht you can raed tihs sutats jsut fnie and you tuhohgt I was tolaltly dnruk lkie lsat tmie.

   ...just heard that Tampax is replacing the strings with tinsel this month. ...Ladies, get them soon, supplies only last for the the Christmas period!

   Jethro Leroy Gibbs>The President address