Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   More excited than Tiger Woods in a Strip Club

   Could switching to Geico really save you 50% or more on car insurance???.....Does being on Facebook really give you the feeling that people's lives are a little over-exaggerated just by reading their status updates?

   The difference between divorce and legal seperation is that legal seperation gives a husband time to hide his money.

   Would rather wash clothes than go to a Wnba game

   in bed by 9, and home by 11..

   ahh young Love. Full of promise, full of hope. Ignorant of reality

   Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said bet you can't hit me with a quarter!

   Eating Ramen Noodles with a spoon is like going the speed limit, sounds like a good idea but won't get you very far.

   the middle class does not exist. If you believe you are part of the middle class, it just means you're rich and insecure or poor and misinformed.

   Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, it's still petty good.

   I'll show you my status if you show me yours

   USA - 5 CAN - 3 ... Sorry Canada, but we're gonna beat you at your own game.

   The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. I just did 15 push ups. True story!

   No, No Darling , you 're not promiscuous , you're just a slut

   My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist.They kept fighting tooth and nail.

   For all of you out there you are so infatuated with Olympic Curling, be sure to check your local listings for the Paint Drying World Championships later this year.

   I wonder, if I drive by myself, does it still count as a carpool since I'm bringing the voices in my head with me?

   thinks it's funny when the kids on the paternity episodes of Maury Povich look like my friends. It's okay guys, I ain't saying a damn thing.

   It's so cold out that I now have 2 bb's and a tick tack

   Slutty Is The New Trend..Well Aren't You Just The Little Trend Setter?