Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Alert! User Error. Please replace user and press any key to continue.

   COME TO THE DORK SIDE...We Have Computers And High-Speed Internet With A Pentium 4 Processor ^_^

   Cool people are just idiots wearing pricy clothes

   rejects your reality and substitute my own.

   Hand over the calculator, friends don't let friends derive drunk.

   How do I set a laser printer to stun?

   A thousand words are worth a picture, and they load a heck of a lot faster.

   I need a Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those?

   Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

   Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn't leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn't loan them out to strangers.

   I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

   1f you c4n r34d th1s you r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d

   When a Blind dude & his dog go for a joyride, who dirves?

   became a fan of not becoming a fan of everything on facebook.

   Shot my first turkey yesterday. . scared the $hit out of everyone in the frozen food section... It was awsome!!!

   I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, "ten-four."

   Dear Obama: a little diaper logic for you. If it stinks, change it....but you aren't supposed to replace it with another sh*tty one!!!

   WARNING: If you get an email or Facebook message titled "Nude photo of Nancy Pelosi," DO NOT OPEN IT! ...It contains a nude photo of Nancy Pelosi.

   thinks that Obama may just get into the Guiness Book of World records for "Most People Screwed in a Single Day"...

   A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up