Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I HaTe PeOpLe WhO WrItE tHiS wAy !!

   I accidentally said “LOL” today. I think I deserve to be shot.

   getting to the point where he has to choose between Facebook and having a degree

   Just saw a girl in a plain push wheelchair holding on to her guy's motorized wheelchair and rolling behind him. Dude, she's using you.

   lowered her expectations to the point that they've already been met. <sigh>

   drinks... we drink hard... we drink loud... and we drink often. it may not be pretty, but damnit we have a good time...

   sick and is therefore listening to The Cure.

   Ahh Bud light the sweet lower calorie nectar made by mother nature

   I'm guessing God had to change his password when the Mayan hacked his account and found out about 2012.

   If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore

   LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich

   Dear Physics, I don't want to solve your problems. I have my own thanks

   Drinking, smoking and fatty foods are taking too long to kill me. I had to fall in love again to speed-up the process.

   My lack of understanding does not compensate for your intelligence. Wait, what?

   The best part of being me is that I'm not you...

   there will never be true equality until men have to wear jockey shorts with under-wires that lift and separate.

   If you see a burrito running down the street screaming "RAPE", please return him to me. He is totally overreacting.

   going to keep his Facebook account but delete his real life...

   I showed my iPad to my iPod, and he was all "what's up fatty".

   Have you ever had one of those days where you wish you could reverse the time and punch the person who made it that way... Me either, I am just saying..