Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you do not change direction,u may end up where you are going

   be like a postage stamp,stick to one thing till you get there

   "Look, there's a difference between 'ninja' and 'ninjer'."

   I think the Hope And Change has turned into Hump and Dump.

   Angelina Jolie is the prettiest ugly chick I've ever seen!

   I wish some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's...when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.

   cutting the sleeves off my Snuggie because it makes me look more badass...

   I wish some people were like Etch-A-Sketch's...when you shake the sh*t out of them they disappear.

   After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast.

   Two iPhones got married. It was a lovely ceremony, but the reception was awful... Aparently they held it in the wrong place

   Why.....do the best-looking cars have the dumbest drivers

   downloading all the audio from the Mel Gibson tapes and making ring tones out of them

   100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.

   Giving this positive outlook thing the old college try. Which means I'll only try on Tuesdays and Thursdays after noon.

   Its been a business doing pleasure with you...

   I enjoy watching uptight people try to act laid back.

   Traffic lights are society's way of mocking the colorblind.

   Behind every great man is a ninja. And behind that ninja is another ninja.

   OMG, you drink near beer? That's like when my sister circled all the Waldo's in my "Where's Waldo Book?" totally worthless and not enjoyable.

   In a Relationship w/ Friday. "I'm really happy to see you again, you know how much I love you and miss you. Although we only see each other once a week, you never fail to make me happy. What I really like the most about you is that UNLIKE GIRLS, you don't