Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   aye Justin Bieber Imma let you finish but Ricky Martin is the best gay singer of all time! All Time!

   Ladies that tattoo of the sun rising out of your butt-crack looks great now however when you're 60 it's an octopus chasing a starfish.

   Wonders if Prince Albert is aware of the piercing that is named after him?

   A woman robbed a McDonalds wearing mens underware on her head. No get-away vehicle was described however there were skid marks.

   Mother, I would appreciate it if you didn't use scented laundry detergent, I don't feel like walking around smelling like Fresh Mountain Breeze...

   Oppenheimer's famous sentence : That was a big@$$ f*ckin' eXplosion, man !!!

   i bet you the first club was a barbershop.

   some people have their baby ruths or their michael jordan or wayne gretzky or dan marinos but my idol is adam from man vs. food.

   if my plunger could talk... i'd offer it a mint

   I just ate at a restaurant called, "5 guys burgers & fries" the food was great. How come there's only 2 guys working? This is false advertisement...

   I bet the vampires goes crazy when Bella is ragging....

   Has anyone ever noticed how on the facebook homepage before you log in, it looks as if the whole world is connected but Hawaii is not on there? I guess they dont have facebook

   ♥wants you as much as Lady Gaga wants Alejandro!!!!!....Or Fernando!!!!!!......Roberto? ♥Okay maybe this wasnt the best Metaphor but damn its a catchy song

   All news on Lindsay Lohan a spoiled girl who can't abide by laws. Here are a few worth knowing about: J. Bartett, D. Santos, C. Stanley, J. Reed, M. Johnson, Z. Fisher, B. King, C. Goeke, S. Tate, they gave their lives for you this week, Bless our troops!

   I might not have all the best things in life, but I always make the best of the things I do have.

   'Kidnapping' is such a strong word. I prefer to think of it as 'surprise adoption

   567.. 568.. 569.. Can't talk until I finish my pushups 570.. 571..

   wondering why people say HAVE A SAFE FLIGHT like I am the piolet or something.

   Use OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans?

   the monoply guy and the pringles guy look exactly the same have you noticed that?