Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dear God, it's a new working week. When in trouble, please give me the strength & courage to use the lines once used by a visionary. "Sc**w you guys, I'm going home" - Sir Eric Cartman

   I like to think I'm an Edward, a really gay British Edward.

   Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.

   going to buy a boat some day and name it "Cirrhosis of the River"

   ladies, regardless of where you like it...just don't ask us to hold it.

   So I'm a guy and would it make me gay if I put as my status, 'I like it on a hospital bed'? Just wondering.

   Ever since it all chaged ... it just hasn't been the same

   Ever it all changed .. it just hasn't been the same

   My doctor asked me if I drank to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.

   Did I already post my Alzheimer's joke?

   has a friend who recently started a new business selling landmines that look like prayer mats... He says it's going really well - prophets are going through the roof...

   Now that we know you girls were talking about a purse, how about now you tell us where do you REALLY like it..

   been spendin' most his life livin' in a gangsta paradise...

   i can spell, it's the grammer that I has a problem with

   Friends are a bad influence. And I would just like to thank them for that.

   I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.

   if you know what a 8-track tape is...you are considered a dinosaur now

   if only priceline has health insurance...then there would be no need for goverment intervention

   Likes it put up so it doesn't get in the way of her doing her chores.

   I don't really care where you put it, as long as you don't make me hold it!!!