Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   really annoyed with the new Hollywood 3D Craze. There are some things you don't want to see in 3D, Jack*ss comes to mind.

   I love them all.....Fake (+)(+) , Perfect (o)(o), Perky (*)(*), Cold (^)(^) and even Grandma's \o/ \o/ Big ( • )( • ) or small (.) (.) save them all. REPOST for Breast Cancer Awareness.

   Had a conference today with my child's teacher regarding her C in Grammar. During our conference, her teacher totally said "funner". ha ha.

   (☼)(☼) = Janet Jacksons Boobs ; (o)(o)(o) = That chick From Total Recall Boobs ;

   so lindsay was caught jumpin a gate tryna escape rehab for a soda.. I'm guessin it was coke.. .

   At the drive thru at my bank. The tube came back with my cash and a Chilean miner

   People You May Know = I know none of these people.

   If no one likes you, you want to re-evaluate yourself because not everyone can be the problem

   How do you break a mans heart? You can't because they don't have one.

   Do what you love, and the money will follow, unless what you love is Facebook.

   I bet if Einstein had Facebook to waste time with he wouldn't have been all like smart and stuff.

   As a Social Networking Expert, I have evaluated your Facebook activity and your status updates. My conclusion: You're all crazy.

   "And they lived happily ever after" is just another way of saying "they are in denial."

   Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I'm so glad I'm not a crazy person.

   Dear CAN, why are your books so much more $$ than mine? - US

   I dont like my women single.. I like my chicks in 2's

   Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" have a "Use By" date?

   In terms of emotional comfort it is my belief that no amount of physical contact could match the healing powers of a well made c0cktail.

   Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

   Dude... "Who else would put up with me?" is not a good compliment to give your girlfriend.