Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Ok now hey you stop poking you want sex..

   If everyday is a gift then today was socks.

   you never realize how annoying people are until you add them on facebook :)

   I'm saving myself for marriage. Sorry, FROM. Saving myself FROM marriage

   its better to waste years waiting for the right person to come than to waste years regretting that you didnt

   I came up with a stupid status today, but I forgot what it was.

   Arguing with a fool proves there are two.

   Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!

   *Looks at the world* --- *Looks at his keyboard and furiously presses Alt+Ctrl+Del*

   Ever accidentally pull something out of your purse thinkin it was a pen when checking out?? Yep, that's how my days goin...

   Don't make me use UPPERCASE.

   I just got an inappropriate text message from Bret Favre.

   drink up everybody! Its somebody's birthday today.

   goes from married to single in 5.5 shots of Tequila.

   Doesn't have children , she has insane little mental patients !

   It's really awkward that all of the people who post the "how did you meet me" statuses are all people I haven't met.. then again, I don't go outside

   What do women and dog sh!t have in common? The older they are, the easier they are to pick up

   Really hate how some of my friends try to fish for compliments with their posts that say "post one word that reminds you of me" I always post back, I can't think of one word, but there are two that really stand out to me.

   somehow dressing up in spandex and my underwear seemed like such a great idea when I was a kid. Tried it today, if anybody needs me I will be in the Pysche Ward for the next two weeks.

   Went to the store to buy groceries for my kids at the store today. Was shocked in the Ceral Isle. There were 40 different varities of Captain Crunch. Really? How many combos of sugar squares and sugar balls can there be?