Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5505 of 6446

wondering if you have multiple personalities and threaten to kill yourself, is it considered a hostage situation?

wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome.

After watching the iRenew infomercial about 800 times, I finally bought it because it helps promote “Balance.” Well guess what? It didn't help with last night's sobriety test!
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11-12-2010 09:41 by Michael
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happy P.O.E.T.S. Day, everyone! Piss On Everything Tommrows Saturday.

Miami Heat Fan: "You wait, you watch and see next season we're gonna do this we're gonna do that" ...... Still Waiting lmao! Clevelands just as good without Lebron
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11-12-2010 08:29 by L
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Anyone can have knowledge, however it is only through age that you develop wisdom.
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11-12-2010 08:00 by AT
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Mom always said "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours.." THANK YOU FRIDAY!!, I Love You, too!!!! I've always loved you. You and I are belong together! This is wonderful! We shall celebrate your return!!
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11-12-2010 07:54 by lilninja
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Had sardines and cabbage last night... my gas was so bad my boys literally passed out and encountered minor memory loss and a slight bit of hallucination...But all is good cuz my momma always taught me to share

thinks it's funny that the Carnival cruise ship passengers were complaining about having no showers and eating nothing but Spam and Pop-Tarts. Right now thousands of male computer science majors are trying to find out how to sign up for the next cruise.
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11-12-2010 07:12 by markf
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can't get with this day light savings, I'm moving to Hawaii.
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11-12-2010 07:02 by L
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im not procrastinating, I just dont want to fing do it!!!
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11-12-2010 05:55
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wants less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

Global warming is like Goldilocks and the weather is like porridge.
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11-12-2010 05:14
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been bitten by a spider... and now waiting to become Spider Man...! :-)
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11-12-2010 05:05
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The only thing scarier than Christine O'Donell is the thought her being in office and in charge of the nuclear codes.
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11-12-2010 01:40
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“I was at Arby's the other day and I thought, ‘Oh sh*t, I should take someone's order.”
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11-12-2010 01:20
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off to kill plants and zombies.
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11-12-2010 01:09 by mylaross
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I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
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11-12-2010 01:03
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if nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?
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11-12-2010 00:42
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I am sick of USA blaming their presidents for everything! Help yourselves people! You elected him to be your leader not as your nanny!!