Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 5479 of 6446

If first dates are interviews, then second dates are negotiatons.
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11-19-2010 19:41
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3 Pints of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, a wrench, and handcuffs made out of Twizzlers. I'm ready for bootycall Friday night to begin!
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11-19-2010 19:37 by sms
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One good thing about snow is it makes your lawn look as good as your neighbors
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11-19-2010 19:31
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I'm not a chef. But I'd be happy to baste your turkey for you.
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11-19-2010 19:19
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I can't believe that guy in the Heineken commercial stole my wedding reception move!!
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11-19-2010 19:10
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Mexico can never get an Olympic team together... anybody who can run, swim or jump is already in the States.

Q:Why do you want to be a flight attendant? A:So I can be high all day.
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11-19-2010 18:41
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I be the internet moves quite fast between midnight and 3am. All the Potter geeks will be at the movies rather than searching for online "secrets".
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11-19-2010 18:40
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Worried about traveling on Turkey Day, the full body scan screener may think I have a rilfe in my pants.
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11-19-2010 18:39
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I felt like an escaped hostage after finally getting off the phone with this long winded guy...do
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11-19-2010 18:03 by mhenry
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It's amazing how many Catholic priests have left the church to pursue careers with the TSA...
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11-19-2010 17:38 by Demon
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theres only one way to become champion ......... never loose
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11-19-2010 17:23
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you can't tune a piano, but you can tune a fish
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11-19-2010 17:16
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I just bought the Complete Idiot's Guide to saving money for only $89.99!
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11-19-2010 17:07
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I hold my Nintendo gun sideways when I'm playing Duck Hunt cause I'm a Gangsta!
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11-19-2010 16:58 by jimbo
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Everyone complains about octomom but everyone loves the duggars who popped out 20+ of those things. Shows you americans don't understand how much octo means
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11-19-2010 16:37
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My adopted asian baby and I went to go pick out a pet, I suggested a lizard and she started screaming and crying. Who knew asian babies know of godzilla at 2 years of age
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11-19-2010 16:34
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Always use tasteful words because you may have to eat them.

The people who complain about the way the ball bounces usually dropped it.

The older I get, the more I desperately cling to my immaturity.