Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's not that I hate you, it's just.. well i'll put it this way.. if you were on fire & I had water, I'd drink i

   ♪♫♫♪Accept the Poke. THAT'S IT. Then Poke me back, Game over. Then I can Poke you, then Poke me back. And were done. That's it, That's all I want. Then I'll Poke you again, and you Poke me back. Poke Me Back♫♪♫♫♪♪♪♫♪♫

   pretty sure I just ate a record setting amount of Rice Krispies!

   My hats off to the Jets. They made Tom Brady look like Greg Brady.

   My other facebook wall has a scenic view.

   just won the Golden Globe for "Best status post, musical or comedy".

   wants to go the next NHL Winter Classic and sneak onto the ice with a fishing pole and a folding chair. Just for laughs.

   Next person that asks me "Is it cold out?" after I walk inside with my winter coat on, gloves, hot and a red face is going to get thrown outside in the snow and locked out.

   my next license plate: POKE ME

   my field of dreams would be a football field built in a field barley made into beer to serve free of charge at the games.

   wonders how love potions 1-8 worked out.

   Hickies in junior high = Sweet! Hickies in your 30s = Gross

   been poked more times than a fireplace this month.

   george washington owned a dodge charger---wikipedia

   Putting kids to bed is a little like playing WHACK-A-MOLE.

   watching Jersey Shore...Are my eyes supposed to bleed?

   real eyes realize real lies

   Worst football performance by a Brady since Marcia.

   just because the shampoo bottle says strawberry dont means it taste like strawberries

   just like the rent, too damn high.