Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.

   People make me itch!

   I don't like morning people...or mornings...or people.

   You're exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.

   Getting my car fixed my a stoned mechanic. I know,, I know,, he's high maintenance

   Judging from all the misery and carnage on my newsfeed, I'm assuming it's Monday.

   God created pollsters to make astrologers look accurate

   This conversation is going nowhere. I thinks it's time I move to the land of Smile and Nod.

   In traffic no one hears you scream.

   I always cry after sex... $400.00 is a lot of money.

   People who say I need to go out more often need to shut up more often

   Well excuse me, I didn't know it wasn't bring a naked midget to work day

   I feel bad for my american friends... they only have 2 idiots to choose from in their elections...50/50 chance of getting it wrong...

   May I call you Pebbles ‘cause you're as dumb as a rock!

   I like girl shaped things.

   If love were truly blind people wouldn't be so damn picky.

   Getting my survival kit ready for 12-21-12. So does the garlic necklace work against Zombies or is it only effective against Vampires and Mormons.

   I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn't in a band any more.

   a few more days! and all the "political" animals will go back to hibernation for another 4 years and we will have you our sit3 back!

   Halo 4 comes out on election day? I hope my wife tells me who won the election....i'll be busy for the next week or so!