Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2802 of 6466

Did I already do my deja vu joke?

it me, or Monday comes around and your sleepy throughout most of the workday, but after what feels like 5-hours in rushhour traffic, you have enough energy for a Party with free drinks?
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03-04-2013 18:53 by Jitney
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A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'
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03-04-2013 17:00
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I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
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03-04-2013 16:50
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has discovered that telling a girl you don't have any sores isn't the best way to get her to kiss you.

you know a woman really loves you when she vandalizes your car after an argument.

Don't die a virgin. Seriously, there are terrorists up there waiting for you.
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03-04-2013 16:19 by Jackoo
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I lost my mood ring and now I don’t know how I feel about that.
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03-04-2013 16:09 by MG
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If a dog gave birth to puppies near the road can it be cited for littering ?
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03-04-2013 15:39
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i broke 2 mirrors in the same day, so i'm going to assume it's good luck because two negatives make a positive, right?
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03-04-2013 15:08
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Leadership is a privilege to better the lives of others. It is not an opportunity to satisfy personal greed.
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03-04-2013 15:06
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1.- Open YouTube website 2.-Type "do the Harlem Shake" and click search 3.-Don't click anything just wait and see what happens lol
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03-04-2013 14:55 by Cisco
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I'm not needy. I'm wanty!
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03-04-2013 14:17
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'What would I do without you?' is such a stupid question to ask. Because all I need to do is what I was doing before you came along and complicated my existence.
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03-04-2013 12:58
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Nobody ever lost money overestimating the fatness of Americans.
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03-04-2013 12:53
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I don't like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I'm leaving!

The kids down the street have challenged me to a squirt gun fight. I'm just killing time updating my FB status while I wait for the kettle to boil.
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03-04-2013 12:19 by BigSarge
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I'm me. I like me. It took me a while to realize it, but I have no other choice. I'm stuck with myself.

Don't forget comic relief this year. Just R50 can help a disabled African learn the difference between an intruder and a girlfriend.
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03-04-2013 08:46
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If you have to SNEAK to do it, LIE to cover it up, or DELETE it to avoid it being seen then maybe you SHOULDN'T be doing it anyway.
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03-04-2013 05:57
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