Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The way my boss speaks to me it's as if he doesn't realize I'm an internet phenomenon.

   (Possible post if Facebook was around in 1979) Busy day today. Me and the boys are riding all over town on our bikes. Later we'll be at the lot playing Hot Wheels, so hit me up if you're in.

   Possible post if Facebook was around in 1983: DANGIT...street lights are on. Guess who's getting beat with a belt when he gets home :'(

   Life must suck for the reporters that have to report on the Justin Bieber n-word story...

   back pain is just youth leaving the body

   I'm not one to judge Brotha, but that white tailgate on your black truck screams "salvage title".

   If you can't even get your first and last name in order, then no, I will not accept your friend request.

   My typos only add seasoning to my thoughts.

   Someone just told me good morning and now I have to go to HR

   Remember, I'm always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.

   Just because I'm a lady doesn't mean I don't deserve to break someone's nose before I die.

   If you don't believe in evolution just look at how much stronger passwords have become over the past few hundred years.

   You had me at the correct use of 'their'.

   " Lady, Have you tried texting him 22 more times?" You probably are a pain in the a-ss stalker!

   it just me or is Game of Thrones just a modern day Xena Princess Warrior?

   "Pope Francis tells couples not to substitute dogs and cats for children." TRUE! The fat content is so different, your recipe will be ruined.

   If it isn't one damn thing after another, it's the same damn thing over and over again.

   ‪#‎TBT‬ 1990's: Street lights are on; belts off. get your ass home!

   All women have at least one pair of jeans in their closet that’s trying to kill them.

   Making the cats chase the laser pointer. Re-establishing who is boss, for now.