Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If you lose your hearing, is it ear replaceable?

   Blues Clues taught me that getting mail was fun and exciting, they sit on a thinking chair of lies

   Next week Google will give the public the chance to buy its $1,500 Google Glass. Finally ending the stereotype that people who wear glasses are smart.

   When I was growing up we didn't have edible underwear, we just ate normal underwear.

   Sex so good you forget which species you are.

   Some people would make horrible serial killers because they wouldn't be able to resist the urge to take pics of their victims and murder scenes and post them on their FB and tagging people in it.

   People who tell you something then they say "nevermind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers.

   "She's cute I swear, let me find a better picture." – Me telling my friends about my new girlfriend.

   If you take god out of religion, it's just a bunch of people hoping their favorite football team wins.

   I have a very clever way with words. You could say I'm a cunning linguist.

   I guess God can only do bad things to the earth when the earth passes between the sun and the moon.

   You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.

   This post is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.

   So Mimi is hanging from shower curtains trying to out do Kim Kardashian?

   That moment when you watching Mimmi's video and you realized that shower pole is stronger than most relationship

   .... Hmmmm .... I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."

   Google's Apple glass knockoff will attachea small screen on a frame above your eyes, they're gonna call it the iBrowse.

   .... Hmmmmm .... I wonder if you pressure your child into becoming a drug addicted, alcoholic gang banger, ...... if they will disappoint you and become a doctor?

   If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to..

   ...Thinking of getting a government grant to study ... Why flies can get in your car so easy, but can’t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.