Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it just me, or was music better when ugly people were allowed to make it?

   Words I'm incorporating into my vernacular: Vernacular, Incorporating

   why would you argue with a feminist? what would be wrong with you? they hate you because you have a pen*s. not some douchey thing you did.

   In another dimension, I'm happy and sane. Please don't tell my wife.

   The problem is people are everywhere.

   Sometimes the smartest thing you can do, is play stupid.

   I have no problem expressing my feelings. *loads shotgun*

   The louder you make a women moan increases your chances of having a sandwich.

   I see you stopped taking your meds. Can I please have them?

   All I want is to see you smile. That and maybe a pizza.

   You lost me at 'you should'.

   Of all the advice given to me over the years, "There really is no bad time for a beer" has proved to be the most helpful. Thanks ma.

   I wonder if Ralph Wilson's funeral will be blacked out?

   Being married means you never hav--- WOULD YOU QUIT CHEWING SO GODDAMN LOUD?

   I got the moves like Jagger, and the medical bills to prove it.

   BREAKING NEWS: Vladimir Putin moves two Boy Scout Troops to the Russian/Polish boarder. France surrendered

   It's hard to be your prince charming when you'd rather just fool around with all 12 of the dwarves.

   If it's fat, drunk, and slow, it must be Chicago

   "I'd like to apologize now for not liking your posts that I" stole as an update or ..

   I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor