Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Some souls are consumed with what grows in the garden of others and then wonder, why their own does not flourish.

   So, I take it mushrooms are acceptably the norm in Russia... Well played Olympics

   A group of teens is called a whatever

   Wishing the amazing Olympic athletes from around the world the best of luck in Sochi (finding drinking water and toilets).

   I can party much longer than my cell phone battery.

   I think Oprah should marry Deepak Choprah and take his last name.

   f people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?

   that bowlof green chili burned a hole in my as

   Fri(end) Girlfri(end) Boyfri(end) Br(forever)o

   Since Kanye wants to write a song named 'I Am God' I wanna see him bring his dead mother back to life again.

   Parents have no idea what it's like to be a teenager in our generation…

   We can't help but to start liking the girls that become our good friends. Too hard to find girls that just like to have fun these days.

   Before telling your woman a PMS joke, you should assure she does not currently have PMS.

   Very disappointed that Nikolai Volkov wasn't selected to light the Olympic flame

   Yesterday I went to see a shrink about my Facebook addiction, everything was going smoothly and I was on the road to recovery until he asked me, What's on your mind? Damn it

   This hahaha guy just ignore him and dont rate his post he will be b gone. Trust me

   Even if they don't win any medals, at least Team USA can be guaranteed victory in future ugly sweater contests.

   Went to the grocery store with my sister and she got kicked out because she was complaining that all the bananas were bent...

   Mr. I'm so not funny, you're as funny as a pile of rhino crap...hahahahaha stupid

   This is stupid. It's been 3 days with this. I'm going elsewhere.