Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Obama was just on the air and clearly read from his teleprompter that he will now put his full concentration into the issue of JOBS! (for the 19th time).

   Pressure builds on Weiner to pull out early!!!

   I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks... I mean how do you not hear the music?

   We’re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble wrap...

   The baby's name is Prince George. Great! Now what do you all say we stop talking about it until he grows up, puts on a Nazi costume, and gets naked in Vegas?

   Yeah,, yeah... I'm just putting our meeting in my calendar...... ( shakes etch-a-sketch )

   i bought a 30 pack of condoms and they expire in 2016. i’m crunching the numbers here and it’s not looking good

   why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

   I was sure they'd name that baby King Ralph...

   The royal baby is a day old and is still more interesting than the Kardashian family, kanye west, and Lindsey Lohan combined

   Pretty sure I look forward to my boss' vacation's more than he does.

   Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it's never found again..

   X says The royal baby has been named George Alexander Louis? They must watch a lot of Seinfeld reruns.

   This cop is going to look like such a dumbass trying to give me a field sobriety test while I'm invisible.

   Breaking News: Anthony Weiner is running for reerection!

   I'm sorry Will and Kate...but every baby born is a prince or princess

   I will name him George and I will hug him and squeeze him and pet him !!

   A Fan Jumped on Stage and Pulls Beyonce Hair while she was Singing ? That's Messed up..

   The Royal baby has been named 'George'...Zippy and Bungle are mortified!

   Breaking: Kiss renames their hit song to "Detroit Broke City'.