Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A boy writes to Santa asking for a brother and receives a reply back from Santa send me your mother

   You cant tell me you dont feel like a Jedi everytime you walk through an automatic door.....especially when there's a big sign on the door saying EXIT and you walk in.

   I'm out of Christmas wrapping paper? So I've simply converted birthday wrapping paper by adding "Jesus" after "Happy Birthday" in biro.

   Life would be much easier if Christmas decorations grew on trees.

   if you have something really big to wrap, don't waste time on wrapping paper. Just buy a cheap plastic table cloth. ho ho ho

   I considered atheism, but there weren't enough holidays.

   It's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

   Thank god I have Facebook to know that Christmas Eve is tomorrow and that people are going Christmas shopping and that Christmas is Sunday.

   Why is it that whenever I have to turn around in a strange driveway, I feel like they're gonna come running out with pitchforks and torches?

   Watch out, I'm in just the mood to steal someone's armadillo today.

   Just drank warm orange juice after I had brushed my teeth, and now reciting "Jabberwocky" in Spanish is my only means of communication.

   When people say to me, "I don't have time", I ask them then why are you still alive.

   Wouldn't be nice to see if there is an alien on a far away planet that acts exactly like you do.

   "1..2..3.. SMILE!"...... "Did you take it yet?" "Damn, it's on video!"

   There has been only one Christmas – the rest are anniversaries.

   I'm no terrorist, but I have blown up my underwear a time or two...

   Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?

   If it's true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that's fat, ugly and stupid.

   Watching MTV Cribs makes me feel better About downloading music off the internet.

   This status contains no juice.