Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The love of money is a root of all KINDS of evil (1 Timothy 6:10)

   If you put your kid's GPA in your Christmas card's the grandparents might be proud of them but everyone else is gonna think YOU'RE a di<k!

   When you post pictures of yourself flaunting money, I am forced to think you're not used to having it.

   I just saw a commercial with Joan Rivers. Could her real face have been anywhere near as bad as that clown mask she had welded to the front of her head?

   I never drink coffee at work mainly because it keeps me awake and alert.

   I need new haters. The old ones are starting to like me.

   Do you know why Beyonce sings "to the left, to the left"... because women have no rights. LOL

   The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word "facial" is used.

   Just found out the results of my mammogram - I tested positive for having boobs

   well, the weather outside's delight-fulllll but my account? it's veeeeeeryyyy frightful!! what happened to all my dough??? I DUNNO, I DUNNO I DUNNOOOOOOH !!

   Chase down your passion like it's the last bus of the night

   Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

   having Deja vu. I think I've read these on twitter before.

   Dear Santa , before I try to explain . Just how much do you aleady know .

   I see UFOs every night until they turn into FOs.

   Whoopi Goldberg says communism makes great sense. Remember, she thought Sister act was a good idea too.

   I wonder if Satan gets a lot of wish lists in the mail during the holiday season from dyslexic people.

   Without that little voice in your head you wouldn't be able to read this.

   If you are living your life without giving an "f", You are living a li[ ]e .

   People think i'm shy because I don't talk or participate much in conversations. The truth is I don't really give a f*ck what they're talking about.