Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I tried to change my password to PE-NIS but the computer said it wasn't long enough

   Not sure if girl is posting song lyrics.....or about to kill herself -__-

   If you're a midget, and you don't dress up as a leprechaun and hand out chocolate gold coins for Halloween, you're just being selfish!

   It's annoying when you think of an awesome idea or thing to do and within the next few minutes, you completely forget what it was, but the memory of how awesome it was stil lingers..

   Asked my teacher if I was interrupting. She said, "No, I'm just grading some cheese!!"

   If you think about it Johnny Bravo would be perfect for Jersey Shore.

   There is perhaps nothing more annoying then listening to a great song on Youtube and decidding to vote up a comment you agree with, only to be taken away from the video to a login page prompting you for your username/password.

   congratulations Vodka man! You've just been named public enemy number 1 in a matter of 10 minutes...

   let's be honest half of us didn't even know who Steve Jobs was until he died...

   4 hour naps suck! I don't even know whether it's daytime still or night time already...

   You know those people that you have to explain every joke to? Let's kill them.

   When someone I like deletes me, I think "Why? What did I do?" Then I eat real food, have real sex and high five real people I actually know.

   My wife thinks I'm at work. My boss thinks I'm home sick. These ducks think I'm awesome because I have the bread.

   Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo

   instead of watches, Timex should make hearts..."takes a cheatin & keep on beatin...takes a dumpin & keep on pumpin

   I wonder who's forehead would win in a head-butting contest between Tyra Banks and Rihanna?

   I'm a murderer, I killed my old self.

   The Less people you deal with, the less problems you will have.

   Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish them.

   The BEST can't find you until you put the WORST behind you.