Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   “Delete, Block, Ignore” Its too bad getting rid of people in life is not as easy as it is on Facebook..

   Many a wife thinks her husband is the world's greatest lover. But she can never catch him at it.

   Like sands through the hourglass, Facebook wastes the days of our lives.

   Two peanuts are walking down the street, and one is assaulted...

   If you can rate this with your tounge you're a great kisser ;)

   Her legs spread so easily...I can't believe its not butter...

   What has 50 legs and smells like urine? The Conga line at the nursing home's "Annual Harvest Moon Dance".

   Don't you hate it when you tell your kid "9 a clock time for bed" and they say " no it is only 8:58 "!!!

   Hey Facebook.. Your new "From Earlier Today Section" Suuuucks! Its doesn't even go in the correct time! 10mins ago.. 4hrs ago.. 2hrs ago.. 8mins ago...Wtf?!

   I'm not the only one that drives to work hoping its a crime scene, am I?

   If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.

   You have no idea how funny I am to me.

   Either you love bacon or you're wrong

   If I ever get arrested.......again..... My one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there......again.

   I coulda swore I just heard my Rice Krispies say "The f#kk dude? It's dinner time"

   It never ceases to amaze me how people will try to bring you down when you're on your way up. Two words for those soul suckers, fah q!

   girls are like math, if there under 13 do them in your head.

   There is always at least one HATER that dislikes --->SMH

   Mexican Word of the Day: TISSUE. Usage: Hey vato ju doing it wrong, lemmie tissue how to Dougie !

   The word of the day is..... SupercalifragilisticexpialiDOUCHBAG.